Hello friends! I am so glad to have you here!

Welcome to the first days of your discernment adventure!! You have so much good stuff ahead. Woohoo!!

My sister has been home for Christmas break these last few weeks and I have been relishing our deep conversations and mutual support. Being only thirteen months older than her means that most of our life experiences have been shared. We’ve gone through heartbreak, job stress, and school insanity simultaneously and helped each other through each. Today, as we enjoyed a sunset walk around the pond across the street, our conversation eventually rambled on to our experiences growing up, including vocational discernment. We had both considered religious life and made rookie mistakes in the process of figuring it all out. Now, we’re able to look back and see all of the whackadoodle-ness we fell prey to. Today, I want to share my tips for avoiding all of the confusion we went through while you begin your discernment process. In my past two articles of this series, you can read points you should consider before choosing to discern. Below, you can read the first steps I recommend for beginning the process of discernment. Enjoy! (:

#1 Find a mentor

Recently, when I knelt down in an adoration chapel, my jaw dropped when I saw a pamphlet resting on the windowsill beside me. It displayed a prayer for vocations, below which read: “If you think you might have a calling to religious life, contact your parish’s vocational director at….” and proceeded to list off resources for discerning young adults. I was shocked! I had no idea that there were people designated by the archdiocese to help one through the choppy waters of discernment. This was something I personally lacked. I was navigating the sea without a compass, lighthouse, captain, nada! Of course, then, it was inevitable that I’d crash into the rocks. So, the first thing I recommend you do is determine who you can meet with consistently as a vocational “mentor.” If you already have a spiritual director whom you trust, then discuss this with him. Otherwise, this person can be a religious, priest, vocational director, or even a Catholic therapist who is available to speak regularly with you. Make sure it is someone you feel very comfortable around and whose judgement you trust. If they have experience with helping people undergo the process of discernment, that is best! Once you have determined who this will be, ask if you can set up a consistent time to meet. I would recommend once a month or even every two weeks if needed. Having someone there to supervise your discernment process not only provides a solid source of advice but also safeguards you from going down dangerous spiritual rabbit-holes.

#2. Set a time limit

Who discerned for two years??… Me!!

Yes! I was that chronic discerner, perpetually stuck in the starting gate, waiting for the race to start. It is true that this was partially due some obstacles which caused me to postpone visiting convents. However, I wish I had simply put a deadline on it. Waiting and waiting around while you discern your vocation leads to discouragement and confusion. And ultimately, it can become a waste of valuable time and life! As a result, with the help of your new vocational mentor, decide how long you will discern for. I honestly think that anywhere from around four months to a year, at most, is sufficient. For your deadline date, consider choosing a feast day that is special to you, your birthday, or some other significant date in order to give your deadline a sense of importance and certainty. When you end it, you end it, for reals!

#3. Choose a patron saint (or saints)

This is one of the fun parts! I did not personally do this, but I think that having a saint that you look up to as the patron of your discernment period would be awesome! If you are discerning contemplative life, for instance, you can choose a contemplative monk or nun to ask for intercession from. Spend time learning about their life and spirituality in order to further determine if their charisma is in line with God’s Will for you. Furthermore, you can take it a step further and choose two saints, one who was married and one who was a religious or priest and ask them both for help! Make it fun by getting a little prayer card image of your patron saint(s) and put them in a prominent position in your room or home as a symbol of your discernment.

#4 Design a prayer schedule

This next step will take a bit of thought and planning. To start, choose what prayers and devotions you will add to your day and week in order to actively discern. This could be as simple as adding a little prayer to know your vocation (which can be found online) to your morning routine. Or maybe you want to be a little more hardcore and start going to some daily masses. Whatever the case may be, prioritize consistency over quantity. This is meant to be something you can realistically do, even when you feel tired and unmotivated, so don’t make it impossibly difficult. You can always choose to add in an extra Mass or more time in adoration one week if you feel up to it. However, I would make it a requirement to spend at least thirty minutes a week in front of the Blessed Sacrament, intentionally praying for help with your discernment. This will help you have some quiet time for thought and give God the space to speak.

Secondly, figure out what type of “planner” strategy works for you in order to remain consistent. Find a planning method that feels natural and simple for you to use which will help you stay accountable each day and each week. Are you someone who makes a daily list? Do you use a planner? Is your Google calendar your go-to? Then add your times of prayer to your schedule. It’s one thing to say that you will do something and another to actually get it done. I am extremely motivated by a checklist of to-do’s each day, whereas if something isn’t already worked into my plan, I may forget or postpone it. If you are someone who doesn’t tend to use a physical planner (I see you!), consider using some sort of “treat” to motivate you to remain consistent. For example, you can decide to make your morning prayers extra special while you discern by lighting a candle, praying while you drink a special morning coffee, or even praying with some peaceful instrumental music in the background. Maybe set up a cute prayer station with the holy cards of your vocational patron saints. Everyone is different, so don’t feel ashamed if you need to add a little extra oomph to your prayer time in order to help you feel focused and motivated to stay on top of it!

#5 The Power of the Pen

During your thirty minutes or more in front of the Blessed Sacrament each week, consider bringing along a journal and pen. In it, I want you to answer these questions weekly:

1. How do I feel about my discernment this week? What emotions have been coming up and why?
2. What new things have I learned about myself, my vocation, or about different vocations/religious orders?
3. What new questions have surfaced, if any?

Use this little time of contemplative prayer to do a weekly check-in on what you are feeling and thinking. Then, take this journal along when you meet with your vocational mentor. It can be easy to forget the questions and thoughts we have, especially when life is busy with school or work. But, by journaling about your discernment each week, not only will you not forget questions, but you will also have something to look back on at the end of your discernment. You’ll be able to directly see the phenomenal growth and insights you have made. When I have done this in the past, it has been refreshing to recognize the growth that I have achieved as well as to reflect on the positive outcomes that have come out of past struggles.

Well there you go!! Those are the first five tasks I would recommend as you begin the process of discernment. If you have any questions, please send them my way through the Contact page or pop them in the comments below! I am here to support you! In the next article of this series, I will share additional tasks to help you in your vocational journey. In the meantime, best of luck as you start out on this beautiful adventure!!

XO, Ella