Hello!! I hope this post finds you truly well! I am sitting in my family room this evening, beside a cozy fire. Today was the second day of 2026, and so far we are off to a good start. The beginning of a new year always feels a bit contemplative to me-a time to reflect on all of the good of the past year and shed all of the bad. A time to plan for new growth and change. Well, if one of your new year’s resolutions was vocational discernment, then you are in the right place. I will be continuing today with three more tips for those who are considering religious life. If you haven’t read it already, my past article, Vocational Discernment: Article 1, listed my first three considerations for those who are interested in discerning religious life. The following are a few additional steps that one should take before dipping one’s feet into discernment. If you make it through these final considerations unscathed, feel free to move on to the next post in which I will finally elaborate on the first phase of discernment!

#4. Assess your mental health

Ok, I know that some of you may be thinking, “of course I am mentally healthy” as you hurriedly scroll to the next bullet point. But, hear me out. When I was discerning religious life I was literally down a mine shaft mentally and emotionally. The life-giving light and air that I needed was almost completely absent-I was surviving on the bare minimum. But, here’s the kicker…I couldn’t really tell. My depressive stupor, gut-wrenching anxiety, and self-critical spirals had gradually become so familiar that I didn’t even think life should be better.

In my opinion, the person who is ready for discernment is someone who has acknowledged, conquered, and healed from their inner demons. This requires maturity and time. Of course, you are not to blame if you are struggling with your mental health! I understand and am sorry for whatever you may be experiencing. But, it is critical that you seek out the resources and help you need to get better before you begin discerning a vocation. The following are a few questions that I wish I would have asked myself before discernment:

• How often do I feel negative emotions like sadness, fear, or anger? Once in a while, every week, every day?
• Do I know how to cope with difficulties and negative emotions in a healthy way? Or do I typically internalize them and rely on substances, food, or alcohol to distract myself and feel better?
• What makes me feel joy vs. what makes me feel unhappy or overwhelmed?
• What are some common emotional triggers that make me feel either sad or angry?
• What are my biggest insecurities?
• Do I know how to communicate my feelings and needs to those who are close to me in a calm and comprehensive manner?
• What trauma have I experienced, if any, and how does it affect my decisions and how I see myself?
• If I’m being honest with myself, do I feel happy in my life right now? If not, why…what would I need to feel content and stable in my present life?

Hopefully, after reflecting on these, you can determine if you are in need of more healing or if you are in fact ready to discern. And, don’t worry, you don’t need to be perfect! Maybe you are someone who tends towards a depressive attitude when times get rough. However, such a person needs to have the self-awareness to know this about themselves first, and to secondly know how to resolve those emotions with effective strategies.

#5. Parental Insight

This next piece of advice may sound a bit much, but I absolutely wish I would have done this before my discernment!!! When I was discerning, my mother was absorbed in the stress of managing my sisters’ chronic illnesses and my Dad was undergoing a difficult work transition. In order to avoid adding to their burdens, I did not discuss my discernment or how I felt with them. When we finally debriefed it years later, my mother shared that she had seriously doubted that I had a calling, but didn’t want to interfere between me and God. Now though, I wish I had communicated with her and my dad more. Their insight would have been invaluable and could have prevented a lot of the pitfalls I flew into head-first.

Think about it, your parents have observed you since you were a baby-before you did anything with conscious self-awareness. In other words, they know what makes you tick and fully understand your raw personality. It is likely that they are better aware of your strengths and weaknesses than any priest, layperson, or friend. So, if you have a good relationship with them and trust their judgement, make your parents the first people you go to for advice. Ask them if they think you should be discerning religious life. They might feel nervous to give their opinion in a matter like this, so ask them to truly be honest with you and receive what they have to say with respect and openness.

If you do not have a good relationship with you parents, try asking someone who has known you since childhood. Find the Yodas in your life who can steer you in the right direction. They might have some things to say that you haven’t even considered, and which are surprisingly helpful to hear.

#6. Honestly Evaluate your Motives

This is a big one. I feel like it is really easy for us humans to say that we are doing something for one reason, when we’re actually motivated by some other subconscious reason. This can be particularly dangerous in the area of discernment. So, in prayer or sitting quietly, really challenge yourself to look at your motives for pursuing religious life-with a high-def, ultra-zoomed-in view. Be honest. Are you someone who perhaps had a bad family experience, fears marriage for some reason, suffered a wound or trauma that is making you seek stability in a tightly regulated way of life? Or perhaps you suffer from a negative self-image and do not believe anyone would ever want to marry you (one of my negative motivators). You really need to look deep into your heart and psyche here. If you find that there are other motives besides a true, peaceful belief that this is God’s Will for you, then I encourage you to take a step back. One of the reasons these bad motives are sometimes not fleshed out is because discerning religious life is looked upon as a highly good and mature thing to do. Usually, when a young person tells their Catholic friends and acquaintances that they are discerning, most will respond with A LOT of positivity and encouragement. Few people will question why you are discerning, making it easy to overlook your own bad motives in the wake of so much praise. So, before telling people anything about anything (except maybe your parents as recommended in tip #5), take some time to chip away at your inner thoughts and feelings. Discover why it is you think religious life might be for you.

Alrighty! Those are the last of my pre-discernment tips. If you have any questions, please feel free to drop them in the comments. I am glad to help in any way that I can! If you have completed all of the recommendations above and feel that discernment is the correct path for you, awesome!! You can move on to my next Vocational Discernment article to find out what you should do next! But, to anyone who discovered that discernment would not be a prudent step, I am so proud of you for being brave-for being honest with yourself about where you are in life and what you need to do. Maybe you feel relief, maybe you feel some grief. Either way, I know how hard it is to look at hard truths in the face and I am sorry for any pain you may have. Know that God loves you and has a path laid out before your feet already, even if you can’t quite see it clearly yet. I’ll have more articles for people in your type of situation soon!

Also, please feel free to take these pieces of advice to your parents or priest in order to receive second opinions on your personal journey.

Take care of yourselves and God bless each one of you!

XO, Ella