Recognizing the value in times of stillness

I was standing before the shelves that line one of the multi-paned windows in our kitchen. Anyone who has ever visited our home knows it: an open set of shelves overflowing with an eclectic mixture of Marian statues, family photos, and potted plants that have all outgrown their small corner of the world. Well, almost all. Besides the sprawling vines and lustrous violet, there are two cacti. One of them looks like a miniature desert cactus you’d see in the movies and has always shown a lot of spunk with its rapid growth and voracious appetite for sunlight. To the right, its thorny friend, which looks like a teeny bread bun, has never grown at all. Not. One. Centimeter. While all the other plants have spread their leaves, stretched their stems, and put out flowers over the years, this little cactus has just sat there. We’ve never gotten rid of it, it’s not dead after all. It’s just still. No matter how much care or sunshine it’s received, nothing has happened since its entrance into our home a couple years ago. However, on this particular Winter morning, as I was letting me eyes rest on the leafy yellows and greens, I was greeted by the orangey tip of a bud. And to my surprise, it was poking out of Mr. I Don’t Do Anything’s pale green prickles! A few days later we were gifted the most beautiful peach-toned flower. Its full bloom resembled the lovely water lilies I had relished on family lake trips.

While this incident certainly charmed me, it also made me contemplate the times in my own life when things have just seemed still. You know, those interludes when you can’t see any progress despite your greatest efforts. You’re just plain old stuck. For about four years of my life, I was camped out on this metaphorical plateau. The jobs that I tried and tested never really worked out. At the conclusion of one thing after the other, I always ended up back in the same spot: dissatisfied, drifting, and distressed as to what step I should take next. It was as if I was perpetually left hanging on a rock wall and couldn’t figure out how to maneuver myself to the next ledge. Watching friends and acquaintances make giant strides in their education, careers, and relationships sometimes felt exasperating-like eagerly waiting on the sidelines for my turn to enter into the game. It wasn’t until I encountered yet another failure in the form of a failed relationship, that I finally hit rock bottom. I had fallen from the wall and lay splintered, broken. Nonetheless, I had to pick myself up, scan the wall, and try a new route. But, I knew that I couldn’t keep climbing the same path that I had taken for years. So, I decided to go back to school and get a job in a completely different setting…and I couldn’t be more thankful that I did. My life now is no longer still. College and a horde of brand-new pursuits fill each day to the brim. And now, I am finally seeing countless buds and flowers-the growth that I had yearned for.

But, looking back, I no longer view those years of stillness as wasted or unproductive. In the years when I felt stuck, I learned what didn’t work out, what I needed to change, where I needed to go. Each botched venture taught me more about who I am and what I need as an individual. I’ve come to realize that failure is one of the greatest catalysts for growth and change. Without the stillness and stumbles, I truly believe that I wouldn’t be enjoying the wonderful life that I have today. It can be hard to look around and see everyone else bursting with the most gorgeous flowers while you can’t seem to grow at all. However, even when we feel stuck it is important to remember that, far from being a time of stagnancy, these uncomfortable moments are filled with grace. Perhaps the progress being made is not visible externally but is occurring below the soil and within. Inner work often needs to precede outer growth. That little cactus, which had seemed static as a statue, was doing a lot of invisible work to finally yield its surprise that day. And its flower is arguably one of the most beautiful of them all. So, if you are a fellow camper on life’s plateau, feel encouraged. Life will change for the better-sometimes it just takes a little time to see that happen.

Wishing you the very best!

XO, Ella