Hi all!! I hope this article finds you happy and well! I can’t believe we are already half-way through January. It makes me excited to know that Spring is on the way and that the days are finally lengthening again!

Today I’d like to deviate a bit from my vocational discernment series and share some of the top changes that helped me reduce chronic stress in my life. About five years ago, I began to struggle with feeling overwhelmed and anxious almost 24/7. And in our world of constant movement and stimulation, I know I am not alone! I have met many wonderful people through the years who battle the same feelings of nervousness and stress in their day to day lives. In some ways, I think we have grown out of touch, as a society, with what we need in order to be happy and healthy humans. And I’ve found that what is missing is usually not the complicated, expensive health trend being advertised on my feed. Rather, implementing these almost ridiculously simple habits and mindset shifts, for improved physical, emotional, and social health, has been life changing. Besides making my life so much better, they have also made it easier to show up to my family and friends with more energy and love to give. If one of your 2026 resolutions is to build a more peaceful life, or if you are simply getting burnt out by the grind of work, school, or life in general, this one’s for you!! (:

Learn how to say “no”

So I was really, really bad at this-like real stinkin’ bad. If anyone asked me to do anything, my automatic response was to smile and say yes, even though, deep-down, I knew I shouldn’t add another work shift or volunteer event to my plate. I’d stand there smiling and nodding, like some alter-ego had taken over, while my mind inwardly screamed. The reasons why I felt like I couldn’t say no, and why I think many women feel this way, were because I didn’t consider my own health a priority and hated to see someone else in pain. My inner dialogue would usually convince me that “technically” I could fit another thing into my schedule. Right? Like if I didn’t eat lunch, woke up at the crack of dawn, sacrificed personal time, stuffed down my emotions, I’d be just fine! Wrong! This type of behavior eventually led to reoccurring cycles of burnout that ultimately made me useless to anyone. If you are someone who tends to overcrowd their schedule, who dislikes disappointing people, or who has trouble setting boundaries, you probably know what I’m talking about. If saying no doesn’t come easy to you, here are a few exercises that have helped me:

1. Communicate your “no” in a format that feels possible for you- I know that I struggle to say no directly to someone’s face. I continue to practice this, but it just doesn’t come easy. As a result, I usually write out my “no”, through a text or email, to communicate that I can’t do something or be somewhere. This gives me time to phrase it in a way that sounds considerate while also being certain and final.
2. Pause- If you are asked to do something in person, get used to pausing for 3-5 seconds before replying. This prevents you from replying with an automatic “yes.” If pausing feels awkward, use a go-to phrase like “let me think about that for a second” or “I’ll check my calendar and get back to you” in order to give yourself adequate time to determine what would be best.
3. Let go of your sense of responsibility for everyone- I know this is really hard!! I can imagine that for mothers, in particular, this can be a struggle. I used to feel like I had the personal responsibility to relieve everyone’s pain. I needed to help anyone I knew who was undergoing problems. Unfortunately, not only is this impossible, but it also made me extremely overwhelmed. Now, I often have to remind myself that the weight of the world is not on my shoulders. God is in control, and even if I can’t do something for that one friend who works three hard jobs or the young mother with a lot on her plate, He can. Moreover, sometimes just doing something small for someone, that doesn’t require too much time and energy, can go a long way. You don’t always have to do something grand to help out your loved ones.
4. Stop being afraid of disappointing people- A good friend, partner, boss, or coworker should not get disappointed when you set a boundary. If you communicate kindly that you can’t make it to an event or can’t take on another work shift, know that you should be respected in return. I love harmony and am very conflict-averse, so this has been hard for me to come to terms with. But, if someone consistently expresses negativity or tries to guilt-trip you when you set a legitimate boundary, it is not your fault. You are not doing wrong by saying no. Stay true to yourself, even if it feels uncomfortable to displease someone.

Keep your blood sugar balanced

This has been a HUGE game-changer for me. In the past, I hardly knew anything about blood sugar and how it can affect one’s energy and mood. However, since becoming more in-tune with my health and bodily cues, I have observed that going too long without food immediately impacts my energy, focus, and mood in a negative way. I now realize that most of the times when I felt exhausted and stressed, it wasn’t because I had anxiety, but because I hadn’t been able to eat when I needed to. While you may not be as sensitive to blood sugar fluctuations as me, this affects everyone to some degree. As a result, try to eat healthy meals at consistent times in order to maintain a stable blood sugar and, consequently, a stable mood. In order to have food ready and on-hand, consider meal-prepping on a day off. This can prevent you from putting off meals and can also ensure that you have meals ready when something unexpected comes up. Another tip for maintaining a balanced blood sugar is to be more intentional about building your schedule around mealtimes. If you can, always block off time for eating and make room for it in your schedule. If you are going to be out when you would normally eat, pack a small meal or snack to keep your body calm and content. If you don’t usually maintain a regular meal schedule or skip meals, consider being more cognizant of your hunger cues and give yourself the food you need. You may be surprised by the results! Since prioritizing mealtimes, I have felt much happier consistently and don’t get so easily overwhelmed.

Make room for what you love in your life

Let’s face it, when you have work, school, childcare, and other adult responsibilities, making time for that fun craft or interesting read can feel impossible. Typically, hobbies and social time are going to be the first things we toss aside when life gets hectic. After all, compared to getting your child’s needs met or putting together a perfectly executed presentation for school, hobbies or a small coffee date with friends can seem completely unnecessary. For a long time, I had this kind of utilitarian mentality. The only things worth my time had to have some tangibly productive outcome. This mindset even affected how I viewed the spiritual life and God’s expectations of me. I thought that all of my actions must do something good for Him or for others, otherwise it was a waste. What I didn’t see was how vitally important recreation and leisure are. Without them, we can easily become stuck in a negative mood and forget that God actually made us to be joyful! Yes!! He wants us to experience true joy and peace in our lives because He loves us. And having some personal time to do something that is simply enjoyable is not selfish. It was Jesus who said “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” John 10:10. This does not mean, of course, that difficult crosses won’t come up. But, we don’t need to make our lives purposefully miserable by eliminating the things that make us happy. Here are a few tips for making room for joy in your life:

1. Look back at what you enjoyed as a child- I think children can teach us so much about making room for the completely useless and silly joys of life. It’s hilarious how carefree they are! Their only focus is often to savor the joy of the present moment. Have you ever noticed how lost they can get in an activity for no other reason than because they like it? They aren’t trying to “accomplish” something; they’re just doing whatever feels good. So, take a lesson from them and try to ground yourself in the present moment. Do something simply because it makes you happy! If you aren’t even sure what you enjoy anymore, try reincorporating the types of hobbies that interested you as a child. It can help you get back in touch with who you are and reintroduce excitement and curiosity into your life.
2. Reframe your perspective on what is or isn’t “productive”- Much of the time, our need to constantly be doing something is really driven by anxiety and insecurity. We attach our worth to what we do, and feel insecure if we aren’t achieving or accomplishing. Try to shift this way of thinking. View recreation as necessary and productive. It is making you feel good so that, ultimately, you can be a better person, mom, employee, student etc…
3. Schedule in thirty minutes of hobby time- Treat your hobby like another responsibility, something that you actually have to get done each day. Stop treating it like an optional dessert-sweet but unnecessary. No; it needs to be a part of your daily diet. Think of it instead like the glass of water that you sip while you eat. If you aren’t hydrated, it is harder for your body to process and digest food. In the same way, without some recreational time, it is harder for us to process the responsibilities and difficulties that come our way.
4. Trade some of your social media time for a hobby- I have been shocked to see the stats of my social media app use sometimes. When I complain that I don’t have enough time for this or that activity, sometimes the real culprit is that I’m not spending my time well. Social media is super addictive and gives us those immediate hits of dopamine. But, for long-term happiness, letting your mind become immersed in a real, fun activity or social experience can be more effective.
5. Reclaim your Sundays- There is a lot of wisdom in the Church’s reverence for Sundays. It is set aside as a day of rest out of respect for God, but I think also out of God’s respect for us. He knows we need rest; He made us that way. So, start reserving time on your Sundays for relaxation and fun. Make it a family custom so that your kids see healthy recreation and balanced living being modeled. When we don’t make room for healthy forms of leisure, our minds and bodies don’t just put up with that forever. We eventually end up alleviating our pent-up stress with some sort of unhealthy coping mechanism. As a result, make room for real, authentic leisure in your life and in the lives of your children.

*On a side note, for mothers and caregivers, I know that making time for yourself can be extremely difficult. But, getting burnt out is a real danger when you are only pouring from your cup and not getting refilled. To feel less guilty about reserving some personal time for recreation, consider the words that I once heard on a podcast (sorry I don’t remember which one =P): Your child needs a happy mother. Think about it, would your child actually benefit more from that extra sports game or from connecting with a mom who is engaged and has enough to give? If we do not take care of ourselves, we will not be capable of taking care of someone else. So, it is better to keep a less busy schedule or get some extra help from a babysitter if it means that you have the energy to give your child adequate love and attention. In the airplane, we are always reminded to put our oxygen mask on first. Let this be a metaphor for how you live life. It is actually prudent to know when we need to take breaks and get some leisure time in so that we can be the best versions of ourselves for those under our care.

Know your needs and stick to them

Maybe in the back of your head, you really know what you need to do in order to have a more joyful, fulfilling life, but you just won’t let yourself do it. Sound familiar? I can be the same way! I discovered that, most times, I know what I need in order to feel good but won’t give myself the permission to do those things. Maybe you feel selfish or guilty, or maybe you just don’t want to admit that you actually can’t do as much as you think you can. And that’s ok. Ignoring our needs because of some real or imagined obstacle happens to all of us. What’s important is that you identify the areas in your life where you are doing this and actually make a change. Give yourself permission to feel good. One example of this in my own life was working at a job that was way too hectic for me. I really struggled when I couldn’t eat because things were too busy and felt constantly overstimulated. I wanted to believe that I could bear it and just push through, but, deep-down, I knew it wasn’t working for me. As a result, I left the job and life got so much better. But, if I just decided to remain and ignore my needs, I’d still be unhappily working there today. So, my advice to you is to be aware of your physical and emotional needs and limitations and don’t deviate from them. Be courageous in communicating them to your partner, coworkers, and friends, and seek out environments that are compatible with them. Also, don’t compare yourself to others. We all have different strengths and capabilities. I’ve met people who can go way longer than me without eating while still working and focusing like a champ. I can’t, and I’ve come to realize that that’s ok! Don’t expect yourself to be capable of the exact same things as your friends, siblings, or coworkers. Know who you are and what you need.

Get moving

This one is super simple, but let me tell you, movement has become an absolute necessity in my day since trying to improve my resistance to stress. Even if you only have time for a fifteen-minute walk down the street or a short YouTube workout, incorporating some exercise into your life can make a world of difference. The key here is finding a form of exercise that you enjoy and being consistent with it. The physical benefits alone make it worth your time. But, on top of that, the resultant improvement to one’s mental and emotional well-being is truly amazing. Some of my favorite ways to include movement are to go on a daily walk, outside preferably, and to do a short workout as part of my morning routine. I must admit, I was also the type to avoid touching weights in the past. I thought it would make me look like the Hulk lol. Well, no, that doesn’t happen and it actually feels so, so good! Not to mention, feeling stronger and having more stamina makes life better in general. Carrying kids around while baby-sitting, for example, got a whole lot easier. I highly recommend incorporating some safe weight-training into your day for anyone who wants a little boost of energy and endorphins! Furthermore, if you have the money for it, treat yourself to some fitness classes. I had a great time attending some Jazzercise classes over the Summer. They were sooo fun!!! I love dancing, and getting a workout in at the same time was like experiencing the best of both worlds. You can definitely still fit movement and exercise into your day without spending money. But, if it is an option for you, signing up for some classes can help keep you stay accountable as you begin your fitness journey!

Protect your sleep

I feel like we can be really bad at valuing sleep here in America. It is so often looked at as an arbitrary activity that can be cut up and sliced down for the sake of productivity or recreation. And I am just as guilty as anyone for doing this! However, now that I’ve begun to intentionally protect my sleep, by letting my body sleep in as long as it needs or going to bed a little earlier, I’ve noticed a significant shift in my mood and energy. Sleep is so much more important than we all seem realize to our mental health and focus. So, if sleeping is something you tend to minimize, try to prioritize it a bit more. Don’t feel guilty about sleeping in or getting a nap when you need it. Rather, feel proud that you let your body get adequate rest! Some great tips for improving sleep quality that I’ve heard and tried are as follows:

1. Reduce screen time before bedtime- As fun as it may be, try to avoid scrolling on your phone just before bed. If this is hard for you to avoid, consider charging your phone in a separate room so that you don’t feel distracted.
2. Go to bed at a similar time every night
3. Don’t do cardio too close to bedtime- I made this mistake a few times during the summer. I just couldn’t get to sleep after doing a run in the evening. If this happens to you, move workout time up in your day a bit so that you can have better quality sleep.
4. Adjust the lighting in your room- Have you ever noticed how much lighting affects how you feel while watching a movie or play? Lighting can make a big impact on how we feel, for better or for worse. Treat your room like a little movie set that is supposed to evoke feelings of calm and relaxation. Ever since getting a bedside lamp, I’ve felt much calmer before going to bed. Prior to this I used my strong overhead light, and it was just way too bright and jarring! I personally love dim, warm lights at night since they feel cozy and don’t mimic sunlight.
5. Fall asleep to peaceful music or white noise- I don’t do this one on a consistent basis. For me, noise can be too stimulating. But, some find soft background sound soothing while they are trying to fall asleep.
6. Establish a bedtime routine- Routines clue our bodies into what’s going to happen next. You don’t have to go crazy with this, but having a few things you do every night can help your body and mind calm down. Maybe you like to drink some bedtime tea while reading a book or maybe doing a calming stretch routine is your jam. Whatever it may be, the goal is to help your body transition from awake mode to slowing down.
7. Invest time and effort into your environment- I feel like this won’t be necessary for everyone. Some people I know can fall asleep anywhere and feel just fine. But, if you do struggle to stay asleep, creating a personalized sleeping environment can be helpful. Buy bedding that is comfortable to you, reduce the lighting in your room if needed, and make sure you are sleeping at a temperature that feels best.
8. For mothers of young children: one of my mom’s biggest tips for ensuring that she got adequate rest was having an early bedtime for us every single night. We literally grew up going to bed at around 7:00-7:30 PM, and that only moved to 8 PM when we were around nine or ten. I remember falling asleep wondering why I could still see sunlight through the cracks in our black-out curtains. Doing this ensured that we got enough sleep as growing kids, but it also gave her enough time to settle down before the end of a busy day.
9. If you are having trouble sleeping despite all your best efforts, consider speaking to your doctor about it. There may be an underlying health issue, nutritional deficiency, or hormonal imbalance that needs to be addressed.

Track your cycle

I don’t know if you’ve seen them, but the graphs that show how much women’s hormones change and shift throughout the month are truly enlightening! In my teens, I did not realize how strongly our hormones impact how we think and feel. But they REALLY do! Since learning more about the female cycle, I’ve come to have so much more self-compassion when I feel down for no apparent reason and am experiencing cravings a week before my period. For anyone who has not done this already, consider downloading a free app or marking your calendar to keep track of where you are at in your cycle. Learn about the four different phases: menstrual phase, follicular phase, ovulation, and luteal phase. Discover what you personally need in order to feel balanced during each. Begin to study yourself and notice your patterns of thoughts and feelings at different times of the month. For me, luteal is always the worst, so I know to free up my schedule a bit and generally slow down my pace of living then. You may find that you also struggle to bear stress during your luteal and menstrual phases. So, treat yourself with kindness and don’t hesitate to tailor your life to the specific phase you are in.

Hopefully these seven changes that I made to my own life can give you some ideas for improving yours! If you have any other suggestions that have helped you reduce stress, feel free to drop them in the comments below. Otherwise, enjoy the rest of your week and don’t forget to take care of yourself!

XO, Ella

“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Psalm 94:19